Living in Third Person
I’ve had a longstanding concept and perception of living in the third person. As a base, first person is being inside yourself, second person is what I would describe dissociating felt like to me, and third person is viewing yourself from the outside. I think, in the modern day, the baseline of living is turning more toward third person. Mirrors, photos, videos, fear of judgement, constantly changing social standing and norms, and most obviously social media, all are practices in which we view ourselves from the outside. That is often very disconnecting from our own soul and outlook on life.
However, I’ve found that seeing myself in the third person can sometimes benefit me. The difference between it helping and hurting is whose perspective I am seeing FROM. It used to be from what I thought was an objective standpoint where I was viewing myself in what was meant to be constructive ways. Now, I’m seeing myself, as myself. In the past, I was seeing myself and thinking, “Was that rude? Do I look good? Why am I moving like that? Why did I do that?” and underneath all that, I was really wondering, “What can I do to make myself more likable?”
Even as a rather (though not extremely) unconventional person, in my hobbies or the way I dress, I was still trying to fit in as much as I was trying to stand out. What I really should have focused on, instead of the simple question of what small things are wrong, I should have focused on why I was trying to change myself to be like other people. The biggest leading reason was that I wanted to be liked as much, and in the same way, as another person. I then pushed that into trying to figure out why they were liked, and then picking up those hobbies that I then deemed “inspiring.” Overall, the things that made that person likable were probably not things I was going to be happy with. Either they spent all their time trying to be likable (a habit that I was unfortunately approaching,) or they didn’t spend any time being likable (which I was moving away from). Either way, I was trying to mould myself into others, even just a little, which obviously didn’t work.
Now, I’m seeing myself in the third person much more, and much more literally. I’m much more active on social media, trying new things with my appearance, and taking videos and pictures of myself more often. But because I’ve been doing it myself, I’ve started to post things and view myself in ways that I prefer. I’m sure it helps to be rather separate from people my age, and starting new very far away from where I used to be, but I’m no longer ashamed of what I like or who I want to be. When I start creating the content that I enjoy consuming, I no longer feel like my third person viewpoint is detrimental. It’s actually making me view myself in a more creative and constructive way, and I’m trying things I wish I tried a long time ago.
Overall, it’s become impossible not to perceive yourself. But it is important to know it’s within our control. Even if it’s unconscious, we can build habits and create mental states that are truthful and inspiring instead of anxious and conforming. I still get anxious that people will find me weird, but it’s detached itself from me. It’s so much more fun to do it and be nervous than to not do it and be nervous. And there’s workarounds to it too; starting hobbies in privacy has been the easiest way for me to feel genuine again, both inside and out. My third person perspective used to be like standing in someone else’s body and mind, and watching me, but now it’s more like looking in the mirror. I’m seeing me and being me at the same time.