There is No Consequence to Embarrassment
One of my favorite compliments I ever got was during an intellectual conversation in which I worked to mediate and communicate an individual’s issue and what it meant for the group. I was told that I was “the most emotionally intelligent person [he’d] ever met.” Now, I pride myself on that; on being able to process emotions and think from multiple perspectives and most of all, empathize with people who are confiding in me. Now, being emotionally intelligent does not mean that I have complete control over my emotions and can pick and choose how I feel and when I feel it. But my ability to communicate my own emotions and others has gotten very strong over my life. When I get comfortable with communicating my emotions, I get comfortable feeling them as well. I have felt some emotions more than ever during this period of my life.
But while some emotions are high, others are low. I have never felt so unafraid of anything in my life as I do currently. Embarrassment and failure have become part of my routine. Nervousness and embarrassment have become just another emotion, like being excited or frustrated. When I treat them as feelings to be felt, instead of warnings to guide my life, I am able to do so much more. I have realized there is no consequence to embarrassment. Quite frankly, everything is a little embarrassing. It must mean that embarrassment really isn’t that important of an emotion.
Being patient and honest with myself and others, along with trusting that I know what I’m doing (and trusting that I know what I don’t know) has strengthened my confidence and relationships. Part of being open emotionally and socially is being able to admit exactly who you are. In some contexts, that means admitting that you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re bad at what you’re doing, and you want to be better. One of the easiest ways of connecting with others is asking for help. The only way it could be embarrassing to be bad at something is if you feel embarrassed about it and portray yourself that way.
Another easy way to overcome embarrassment is to turn it into humor. Exaggerated failure and playing into the character will save your mind from stressing. If you begin to fail on purpose, and fail bigger, then failure become something that you can somewhat control. If you can control the failure, you can control the embarrassment. As soon as you gain control over the emotion, and in a way where you choose to feel it more, you then realize you can also choose to feel it less. Everyone has tripped on a curb or a step or gotten crumbs and stains on their shirt. Embarrassment is rooted in confusion; it serves no purpose besides noting that you have made a mistake that you don’t normally make (ie, I can normally step over a curb just fine, but not today). If it was a bad choice, you would feel shame, not embarrassment. I actually find it quite endearing when someone who does many embarrassing things has an extraordinarily positive attitude. It paints them as someone fun instead of someone awkward.
Overall, embarrassment is a secondary emotion that completely depends on an individual’s beliefs. I’ve found things embarrassing that my friend hasn’t, and I’ve wondered how they don’t feel embarrassed. They simply think it’s too common to be embarrassing, or even too uncommon and too big of a deal for it to be a personal matter of embarrassment. Take the time to decide what is worth being embarrassed about. Humiliation is nothing beneficial. It will only hold a person back. Most of feeling embarrassment is the action in which you portray the emotion; I’ve felt very embarrassed, but my actions are my choice, and I simply act how I imagine someone cooler than me acting. Oftentimes it’s humorous; rubbing the back of your head and looking around, blaming someone in the near vicinity, clearing your throat extra loud. Anything that admits your feeling nd moves on from it. Like all emotions, embarrassment is meant to be processed and communicated in the way that makes you feel best. If that’s hiding your head in your hands, so be it. It’s just another feeling.
P.S. I ate a passionfruit for the first time today. The seeds were very hard.